Monday, August 22, 2011

First day of challenge!

So today was awesome!I got up @ 5:30 to take the hubby to work and came back and layed back down for about 15 minutes and I got back up and got my fitness gear on. Yes I did just just say fitness gear lol. I cooked myself what I know I can off of my diet plan 1 egg and half of a slice of bread and it wasnt the heftiest(if I even spelled that right) meal, but it did what I needed it to do. I walked and brought on some sweat for a mile walk and I had my babygirl Bella to accompany me. love that dog, even though she slows me down a bit. I came back in the house and did about 100 crunches and my own made up exercises that worked and it has me sore :O I love it though. I have so much confindence that I have felt a dramatic change in myself and I want to share it with the world. So my morning workout and lean breakfast was a success.

Well off to new and better things, first day of classes started today, if anyone is wondering i attend Mesa Community College.

which has made me a smarter person, by continuing my education. First class today I had reading and it was great I love the teacher and she was super nice and I think that I'll have a great semester. I also got to check out the gym today and I am excited to get things moving with my exercises.

After I got out of class, I got to meet up with my friend Cari which was nice I missed hanging out with her. She invited me to go to starbucks and get something to drink, but I was a bit reluctant becasue I cant have much on this 500 calorie diet so I looked at the menu and asked what was a low calorie drink and they gave the perfect drink, which was only 45 calories and no sugar wild berry refresher yup.. I think I can even make it at home now, rasberries and water how easy is that. It helped so much from a bit hungry Im not gonna lie this diet has me a bit hungry, but its not too bad. so yay for me on having a delicious low calorie drink.

Today is a really great and wonderful day and im super proud of myself, so far im keeping up with the diet and for lunch I had 1 cup of steamed broccoli and 1 small gala apple, and to tell you the truth pretty darn tasty for a bland meal. For dinner its pretty much the same thing, except adding a fresh small portioned salad with no dressing yay! haha. I havent ever has so much strength in myself and I didnt think that it would make a huge difference in my life, but it does and I feel like a whole different person and for good. well everyone this is going to get tougher which means I just have to get stronger and Im okay with that. lol.

Everyone have a wonderful day and Ill have an update tomorrow and see how it goes with tomorrows selection. happy day today. Also ill be posting a daily picture of myself, so I can see my own progress!:)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The beginning of a new journey

Hey everyone, I havent blogged in about a year I think, guessing my life isnt too interesting lol. I am going through some major changes and i have a brighter postive outlook on life and I am finally starting to do the things that make me happy and focus on me and me only. Growing up in a household with an evil man that tortured my childhood and how he destroyed my innocence as a child and how I look at things has followed me for a very long time which comes down to the person that I am now. I am ready to tell my story and put it all in my past... so here it goes.

I believe I was about 7 or 8 when it all started I love my family so much, but they have screwed me up and kept quiet about a lot of things that should have came out to the light. So I grew up living with my Mom, my grandma, my little brother and my uncles which seems like the ideal family right? Well My father has never been there for me and I didnt have him as my father figure and he disappointed me a lot in life, so my uncle Robert stepped up to the plate and he was our romodel and filled in that part that we despertately needed. Which he means the world to me, hes the best person I know. Well that's Robert the best uncle their is... anyways long story short lets get to the details that have me a bit uneasy on things, my uncle Roland this man is fake, phony and the most didsgusting person that Ill even know and hes a man that should be punished for all the wrong doings hes done and doesnt realize that its wrong. This man has touched and disrespected me for as far back as I could remember. List of things hes done to ruin my life, when I was about 8 he started the touchy feeling stuff and would show my brother and I porn and would physically sneak in my room at night too look and touch me. Its so hard to sit here and talk about it becasue Ive never really written it down. When I turned 11 or 12 somewhere around that age, he took my brother and I to a nude camp of course us thinking that it wa regular camp and my mom made us go to go and have fun her herself thinking it was a normal camp out, which it still would of been just as bad to me. When we got there everyone wasa nude and it was so awkward and dsigusting and we wanted to go home so bad, but we were in payson and at that age what was a cell phone!! Roland undressed himself in front of us and that was already super traumatizing i didnt want to be there anymore, it was late also and it almost time for lights out, I was getting super worried around this time. I wanted to sleep in the car with my brother and roland wouldnt let me because he said I sleep walk (so untrue) he made me sleep in the tent with him against his naked body and I had chills and cried I didnt want to be in that situation, when someone of your own blood was rubbing against you and holding you I wanted to scream, but I was scared of what he was going to do. I got up and ran to the car and made my brother open the doors and made sure to lock them behind me (thank goodness the keys were in the car) Roland yelled at me to go back to bed, but that wasnt happening because I knew that it was wrong. Finally 2 days passed and it was time to go home, he told us that if we told he would hurt us and beat us till the (shit) came out of us. Sorry for the lingo his own words.

As soon as a we got home, we were scared to tell my mom and grandma, but the second day I thought Im going to tell my mom and I did... this man still continued to live under that roof and was able to keep taking advantage of me and I didnt know what to do. I still love them and I learned to forgive them for letting it go on for so ling and at times still feel a little bit of resentment towards them, but I have to be the bigger person. Roland made my life a living hell and I realized because off all of this I didn't do so good in my teenage years and in school and I ended up with the wrong crowd, I cant name this person, but their was another person that did the same thing and my family kept putting me in this situation and it took a great toll on me. I'm not going to lie, I skipped classes my grades were slipping and I didnt care about anyone nor myself. I hated myself and I never truly had honest and reliable friends that I could count on without being talked about. I turned to smoking Weed and lived on sleeping pills every night, I also would cut my wrists up and was successful to reaching my veins a couple of times and it was brutal and I needed help. I talked to my mom and she didnt understand me, I told her I was depressed and needed help she would say you need anger management which wasnt the case at the time... Well I didnt get the help I needed, but I was just so sick and tired of living that life and I wanted out so bad and when I tried to leave and stay with friends my mom and grandmother would call the cops and say I ranaway and never did they ever want me to say anything to the cop about anything because they would say I was lying about Roland, you take one look at that man and you can tell hes just not someone that you can trust I hated him!! I left school for a while and went to go visit my grandmother my dads mom who I hadnt seen in about 2 years, for some reason I just wanted to go see her knowing that shes never been there for me, but I didnt care I wanted to go. My mom dropped me off and I styed there for weeks and it happens to be where I met Demetrius My husband Now of almost 3 years and Ive been with him for about 6 years now. All I can say is that he changed my life for the better because I seen things in a way I didnt see before which I was grateful for. I was tired of being at home in all of that mess and the boyfriends my mom had at the time werent any good either so it made my life a bit more intense. I left my moms house and moved in with Demetrius and I was determined to stay there with him. I told my mom and she would even drop me off at his place before we moved in with each other and when it came to her telling the truth she said she didnt know anything about him and made me look like a bad kid, but I wasnt I desperately wanted out of that house. My family did finally meet him and loved him, so thats how I was able to keep living with him. I may have not gone through as much as other people nor is it a life and death situation, but I feel that I went to hell and back. I'll never let anyone put me down like that and believe me I will and so speak up. This experience has made me have a lot of insecurities with everyting, my relationship, my appearance and my actions, and I let it overcome my life at times. I made a decision to end all of that when my Roland asked me if I wanted to have sex with him and I was 16 and I just knew I would last as a person still living under the same roof with a pedaphile. Im so glad I got out and It feels so good to let that out and talk about it and I want it to stay in my past and never let it run my life.

Since all of this I have gained so much weight that im just not happy about and I did turn to food as my comfort, and one thing that made me change my motto and finally commit to losing this weight is I happen to see an epsiode on this show called Heavy on A&E I dont know if anyone has heard of it, but its quite a scary show and I dont want to end up living a life being Obese and almost dying because of my weight. It scared me so much I know I have to make a change for the better and this is where my new and healthy life will begin.

Right now I weigh about 240 which it may not seem like it because of muscle weight that I have as said by the doctor, but i not comfortable with that number and starting 8/22/2011 my diet and exercising begins.

Starting weight- 240
Goal weight- 135
lbs that i need off- 105
time frame- 5-6 months (or sooner who knows)
Here is a picture odf big o'le me!

As you see im rockin a double chin and whole lot of face fat lol and next ill upload a body pic, im sorry itll be a bit disturbing lol! itll be better and Ill blog everyday of my diet journey until I reach the end. These pictures will be something Ive never done not have I posted something with my shirt up and my fat hanging, and if these pictured are postedo online then you have to know im serious about losing and shedding those pounds, itll take a lot of time and energy and a lot of exercising! So if your hear to criticize me i simply dont care and you can dont have to read my page nor follow me. This is for me and only me not for anyone else. This is me deal with it. I feel that I have done a complete 180 in a positive attitude and actually feel positive its time for me to take my life back.. If your my supporter thank you so much and fell free to comment and post your personal opionions and how I can overcome this and advice that may help me in the future. :) so here goes nothing the rest of the photos! no judging everyone.


So lets let the journey begin and hopefully itll go smoothly! 135 pound body here I come at least close to that weight! you never know I'll prove a lot of ppl wrong! :)

Well everyone have a safe rest of your weekend.... tomorrow is a new day and we will see how my first day goes. Bye everyone, Much Love Sandra Barber/Emily

Monday, January 4, 2010

Football BBQ Sunday

Hey Everyone, Sorry I forgot to blog yesterday didnt have much time it was such a hectic day, we had to go grocery shoppin and get all the food ready since everyone was comin over to eat and watch football... but it was completely fun which I had so musch to do, had to clean house and my friend erica came by and hung out which we havent done in a very long time, which made me think about the time that we stood in line for like 8 hours to try out for the Biggest loser show lol, they told us we didnt need it we werent that big haha...

Which it was fun having a friend over that I can relate to at least one my age, but after a while I took her home then D and I started gettin things together so everything would be ready by the time family started showin up. So we stopped at Abuela's house and got a couple things we needed to borrow to start cookin haha, though was pretty bummed that half of my family is missing and wasnt able to join us which completely sucks, I was so glad cuz Isaac was finally gonna be comin over since he didnt get off so late he's been so busy with work in school and im so proud of him. So everyone started showin up so it was completely fun and the food was good D had made Carne Asada and BBq chicken and rice that Abuela made which is always utterly Uh-mazing, then we had a Chocolate Chip cookie Ice cream Sandwhich and everyone loved haha, yeah and forgot to mention when he cooks such great food I tend to always go off my Diet Dangit... I failed again so much for a new years resolution WIll POWER EH... so after everyone ate and talked and laughed Abuela was startin to get tired and plus she wasnt feelin good either so Her and my mom left( which abuela your so thoughtful she gave us an amazing patio Grill and we love it!thank you La quiero mucho)
Now we can bbq whenever we want and dont have to use those cheap park Grills lol... So after they left Loren and her family left as well and loren insisted and actually fought me to wash the dishers, which I sure wasnt lookin forward to we bought paper plates but some how tons of dishes got dirty and believe me there was a sink full of them now happy about it at all not whatsoever.. haha

After everyone left I finished cleanin the kitchen and then went to do some laundry

and I hate washin clothes it takes forever but I had to do it last night because D's clothes are always completely dirty and muddy so its like a day to day thing that I have to wash his work clothes. After I was done came home and pretty much got his lunch together and his clothes ready then hopped to bed I was so exausted because we had the kids as well because Loren wanted me to babysit so I deserved a little bit of shut-eye haha, D didnt hesitate he was out 5 minutes before I got home lol, anyways had some good sleep last night but I got up pretty late today no lie, I was feelin a lil lazy So I watched tv all day pretty much, then I decided to fell constructive and gave Tuff a bath he wasnt smeelln to good
he wasnt very still though he hates baths,when I took him I thoughy to myself that he was lookin a little raggady so I just started cuttin all his hair off with scissors haha and believe me its saves me 60 bucks and I dont have to make a trip to the groomers.. but after I was done he turned out good and he looks so much better its like a professional did it

and he was excited to be done I took forever(2 hours):o haha and he was ready to go outside to use the bathroom poor baby lol, and I got dinner started after I picked up his Dog hair mess before D comes home and kills me and he was so happy that dinner was finished cuz he was starving and I did enjoy havin dinner alone with him since pretty much all week and weekend people have been comin over to eat dinner so it was nice to have just him and I.

Well to all my fellow bloggers sure enjoyed telling you about my whole entire day, but im completely tires and im ready to hit my pillow with my head lol, everyone have a great night and be safe and God bless... ! Goodnight!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Hopin for a fresh start

Woke up preatty early today, which is something I didnt want since I went to bed pretty late last night, I did have fun last night though I went to spend time with my aunt since she had game night and I havent been out for a while and it was quite a refresher, but I didnt do to bad on Pictionary(so hard lol )
I enjoyed every second of it though, haha and Isaac my favorite buddy brought over his girlfriend Daisy and she is very nice and suits him perfectly, so he better keep her for a very long time, shes a keeper, very good sense of humor and it seems like she makes him happy which is important to me, hes so openhearted and its one of his best qualities, but issace you better now screw it up lol!!:o they make a great couple..

so it was pretty fun to hang out with them, and after that we played a long hour game of Scrabble which took forever and we played in teams, but in the end Loren and I won which didnt make Thomas very happy and he got completely angry,

You failed Thomas haha boy I love beating him, the angerness works every time lol, Anyways the boys did want to come over, so I said yes so got their stuff ready and headed home, which going to Ironwood seemed like a drive to california they live so far.. but I finally had made it home and boy did it feel good to be home so I can pass out, but when I got home Tuff needed to be walked and he wouldnt go to the bathroom so I had to stay outside till he went which was like 30 mins uhhh :( he finally went and I put the kids in the room and they passed out also, though D didnt look to happy when I got home, but I didnt feel like dealing with it so I just passed out I was so tired, and yet still ended up waking up early and luckily the kids were still sleeping, so I got time to do the things I needed to do, which I guess D is upset with me for lettin the kids stay the night all the time, but I end up being at home alone all the time when he leaves to Glendale and hangs out with the guys. I need company from time to time, i get tired of being alone I dont have any kids so thats what my cousins are here for me to be with me and keep company and I guess thats always his excuse in wanting to be mad at me all the time, gets tiring of hearing his mouth about the same thing over and over again... I dont like to fight but it can never be calm. We havent gone out on a date since like forever and on our anniversary which was sept 20 of 2009 we went to see a movie with my mom, when it was suppose to be just us but he insited on inviting her, which I adore her but this was for us not for my mother, anyways im over it now but hopefully things will get better and we wont have the same arguements ill stop keeping the kids when he stops going to glendale.. lol, so today feels like sunday for some reason and im bored out of my mind haha,Well I got to get ready and start cookin lunch for the kids and my hubby, makin carne asada tacos so yummy lol, dont they look good! haha and I cant have any... :o I get a crummy salad lol

Well everyone gots to clean and having some company over but have a wonderful sat and be good isaac lol, your awesome and god bless everyone and be faithful much love!

Friday, January 1, 2010

First day of 2010

Hey everyone, we made it this far and boy doesnt it feel great to finally start out a new year and start fresh, well except our credits... and bills and all that other fun stuff... lol, but hopefully sadness and depression will get better and people may feel motivated to do such wonderful things with their lives and live it to the fullest because life is to short!So I was so pooped out yesterday and completely bored, I was suppose to go to my aunts house last night and start the new years with her and my loving cousins, my husband got home to late from work so I didnt get to go so I sat at home blah blah lol,

My aunt would of been the perfect person to be around on new years shes so uplifting and always knows what to say when your down and I love sharing my joy with her and I know that I can always count on her!

Well also for the start of the new year I adopted a rescue dog and hes a malti-poo and he was serverely beatin and is very scared that someone ever lays a hand on him, but he's such a good dog though and hes so sweet, but if you mess with him or remotely hurt him, its war to him and he hates cats and we names him Tuff lol, the lady that had him named him Monkey but thats not gonna work for me haha, but he answers to tuff or tuffers lol.. hes adorable and im glad that I got the opportunity to take care of him and give him a loving home. So since the new year has already started I have already made my resolution list and im cutting off a bunch of fatning foods and try to lose some of this weight and go to church on sundays have to so lets take one last look at my favorite foods lol im gonna miss so much,let's say goodbye to the food we love...

anyways that's my dilemma haha, so things will be so much better this year I can fell it, and for the people that didnt know for the past time that my husband was gone in st. louis and I was here in az, forgot to mention that I did move back to az, and I love it here and I was a wreck while he was gone but I did make to awesome friends that I completely love and know that they will always be there for me... and one of them happens to be my cousin lol Karla n Chris they are the best, and they will get married someday he treats so good and she deserves it and they are such a cute couple and dorks..

but I love them so much so no one mess with them... there my life and the joy of my day, corny ya but I meant it... haha..
Anyways today im gonna chill and probably play a bunch of wii video games and spend the day with my husband and enjoy having him home.. he works so hard! well I hope everyone is careful and take care of your loved ones and live your life!

Thursday, December 31, 2009

The end of 2009

Hey everyone, I havent been on in such a long time funny part is, i kinda forgot that I had a blog lol. For start of D and I have been married for 1 year and 4 months almost and it has been tough but yet great at the same time, hes such a hard worker and I love being with him and im so glad that we have made it this far. This year has gone by so quick and its crazy how were entering into the year 2010 and hopefully it will be a better year... Christmas was so much fun I got to spend time with the family which is my favorite part of the week is be with them and especially my little cousin Alexis my favorite girl in the world who is 1 already..

Isnt she just so adorable lol, and also this year D and I finally moved out of my Mother's house and got our own place again and it feels nice and im loving it more and more each day that I have so much space to myself, haha... we have also gone through some up's and down's this year and one of the reasons I think things go bad in my life or not as planned is because I dont have a close relationsdhip with god and I know that I need to start and paraying and start communicating with him and let him know that I do need him in my life, because things are so much harder without him near where I can feel his presence and I know im being protected, may sound cheest to you guys but he is very much important in my life and my goal for the new year to is to keep him closer and in my life forever. Anyways ill get off the religion topic but its completely true.At the moment im missing Sarah and robert and the kids.. Sarah has been such an inspirtaion in my life and I deeply miss her.

But enough of my drama moments and ill keep up my blog this time, It really is refreshing and it helps with my emotions, but I hope everyone has a safe New years and enjoy life to the fullest and know that someones always watching over you.. haha love everyone including myself!

Grama Annie, everything is gonna be ok and know that im always here for you and I know that you werent part of my life when I was younger, but all that matters now is that your in it now and your very important to me and loved that you got to spend xmas with us I love you and god bless!

Goodbye everyone!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A new life is a new start

Hey everyone how is it goin i know i havent been on in a while if you guys dont know i just recently got married to my husband Demetrius Barber. Its an amazing experience and i wouldnt change my life for anyone. I also moved to Saint Louis,MO and I cant really say that I love it yet but maybe in the long run I might but at this time in my life I think I feel alone since I dont have any oy my family here, but ill be fine. So some of the interesting stores that I have seen especially the major grocery store here is called Schnucks let me show you guys.. to me its kind of funny lol

also other good things that have happened D got a job and im still looking for one I did interview for a customer service job and the person that interviewed me was very rude and somthing against my hair which honestly i think i pretty good hair not that im bragging im just grateful for what i have because some people dont have any at all but she did send me a thnk you letter for finding interest in the but i have been spending a lot of time in the house which is driving me crazy and d had been so stressed out that its affecting out relationship but i think it will get better just to much goin on right now, so im not sure yet but im about 2 weeks late on my period so rumor is that i might be pregnant im excited and yet not ready for it cant you tell:

But If I am pregnant there's nothing I can do to take it back we are just gonna have to deal with it and make the best of it and in a way im very excited i wont know till i go to the doctor for sure which my husband is very excited about it but its one thin that is stressing him out. everything will b fine though just got to have faith and be strong for one another. The weather here well its freezing and yet I love it but I have a killer cold that seems to not go away which I think its because of d that turns on the fan at night which i dont know why and he says he hates this weather and hes the one freezing us. his family is great and i get along with his sister Sandra were stayin here at her house till we get our house and when its done. and his family always have get togethers and thanks giving is something that is big for them each year and cook like everything in the cook book and its also the first thanksgiving i dont get to spend with my family and man do i miss them here i have his family but its not the same kind of love that my family has for me and the kind of love i have for them.. my niece and nephew they are just so attached to me that they dont mind hangin out out wit me and they love to play cards all day,sometimes they get a lil crazy but you gotta love them somethin im not used to having someone to want to be wit me all day or even at all.. my husband always wants to be out with the buddies which i think its the reason i always feel like her doesnt want to be around me and I think it shouldnt be like this because we just recently got married and u just want us to be closer then we have ever been or thats how it should be. well theres not to much to tell in my lil life in St.Louis but lets hope that good things happen from now on.Im very grateful for my family and his family and everything good in my life and its the greatest blessing anyone can have. to everybody be good and besafe and ill be on more often to write about my days and my life.

grateful for my husband: