A new life is a new start

Hey everyone how is it goin i know i havent been on in a while if you guys dont know i just recently got married to my husband Demetrius Barber. Its an amazing experience and i wouldnt change my life for anyone. I also moved to Saint Louis,MO and I cant really say that I love it yet but maybe in the long run I might but at this time in my life I think I feel alone since I dont have any oy my family here, but ill be fine. So some of the interesting stores that I have seen especially the major grocery store here is called Schnucks let me show you guys.. to me its kind of funny lol

also other good things that have happened D got a job and im still looking for one I did interview for a customer service job and the person that interviewed me was very rude and somthing against my hair which honestly i think i pretty good hair not that im bragging im just grateful for what i have because some people dont have any at all but she did send me a thnk you letter for finding interest in the company.lol but i have been spending a lot of time in the house which is driving me crazy and d had been so stressed out that its affecting out relationship but i think it will get better just to much goin on right now, so im not sure yet but im about 2 weeks late on my period so rumor is that i might be pregnant im excited and yet not ready for it cant you tell:


But If I am pregnant there's nothing I can do to take it back we are just gonna have to deal with it and make the best of it and in a way im very excited i wont know till i go to the doctor for sure which my husband is very excited about it but its one thin that is stressing him out. everything will b fine though just got to have faith and be strong for one another. The weather here well its freezing and yet I love it but I have a killer cold that seems to not go away which I think its because of d that turns on the fan at night which i dont know why and he says he hates this weather and hes the one freezing us. his family is great and i get along with his sister Sandra were stayin here at her house till we get our house and when its done. and his family always have get togethers and thanks giving is something that is big for them each year and cook like everything in the cook book and its also the first thanksgiving i dont get to spend with my family and man do i miss them here i have his family but its not the same kind of love that my family has for me and the kind of love i have for them.. my niece and nephew they are just so attached to me that they dont mind hangin out out wit me and they love to play cards all day,sometimes they get a lil crazy but you gotta love them somethin im not used to having someone to want to be wit me all day or even at all.. my husband always wants to be out with the buddies which i think its the reason i always feel like her doesnt want to be around me and I think it shouldnt be like this because we just recently got married and u just want us to be closer then we have ever been or thats how it should be. well theres not to much to tell in my lil life in St.Louis but lets hope that good things happen from now on.Im very grateful for my family and his family and everything good in my life and its the greatest blessing anyone can have. to everybody be good and besafe and ill be on more often to write about my days and my life.



grateful for my husband:

What a hectic month!

So hey everybody I know I haven't been on but ive been so busy w/ getting things done around the house and try to keep my family happy so I dont here their mouths.. so I have stopped drinking soda especially Dr.Pepper but ill get over I have been doing for 2 weeks and also working out everyday so I can look great in my dress. So one thing everybody has to know that as soon as D and I get married we are moving to st.Louis for good I dont mind but im leaving everything behind and very far from the family Ill get used to it just hope the family loves me I already love them.. anyways D and I have been doin a lot more since we have been cooped up in this house so we did go see BATMAN THE DARK NIGHT I was such a great movie and I wouldn't mind goin to see it again but that was a couple days ago when it came out but we did go to amazing jakes this past weekend it was to have the family there especially D ive never seen him enjoy himself as much but my whole family loves him especially the cousins which is great
I love family getherings is when I feel safe and loved.. So I finally starting to get my life together and do the things I need to do to make my future better and yesterday D and I had great news!!! D got a job which he really needs b/c we are struggling like crazy only bad thing is he has to stay in glendale while he works so I pretty much wont be seeing him for the whole week only the weekends I get to see him it's just hard to be apart from him but things are gonna get better b/c we just have to have faith in ourselves and in the things that we want down the road things are gonna finally change for us and even though we are moving away from the family it's gonna do us some good and maybe a start of a great future. Life can be messy,unpredictable and yet great at the same time so no matter when things may seem like they are bad they can be great b/c you have the people that care and love you to hold you up... I love me and everything else thats in my life!love you guys! ~goodnight~

so tired.....

So today I kind of got a lil mad at my hubby because he was gonna go stay in Glendale and I didnt want him to I made a big deal out of it. But he was just gonna stay there because his job is right down the street which I do understand and dont get me wrong I trust him. I just dont like sleepin by myself and I get worried bout him because I dont know how his friends are or what he gets into, I guess I just always miss him like crazy and I dont know what I would do without him he's such a great guy so I talked it over with him and told him he can go which I didnt want him to... but anyways ive been putting apps everywhere to find a better job im just thinkin about goin to school for nursing so I can be successful in something and help my babe wit the bills and I know its gonna work out cuz our relationship has gotten so much better and im grateful that I stuck with this man..well there wasn't much that happened today just very boring and been pretty lazy I did clean up just not upto doin anything cant do much when your broke.. well I think im gonna crash very boring and tired today ill talk about something more interesting stuff tomorrow.. sweet dreams and god bless...

things around here aren't easy....but they do get better!

Well today went by kind of fast and kind of boring I was on the computer pretty much all day I did figure out how to set up a printer which D thinks I cant figure out much but I did prove him wrong like always..lol.. it's getting hard living wit the fam but what can I say we have to tough it out till we save up some money and sometimes I feel like giving up all the faith I have but one thing that I keep to myself is by learning how to do somethin and staying strong is by having faith and be confident in what you do most people say that they can't do anything right and give up immediately but thats not how it should be, because then your gonna go your whole life thinkin you cant do anything and always gonna give up and not succeed in the future just pray and believe in yourself and the things you want to happen in your life will come true maybe not at that very moment but it will.. I love everything of me and everything I have even though things aren't going as planned it will get better one of these days some of our problems will clear up not all issues will be gone because we are always gonna have them but just keep your head up and everything will be alright.. god will always be with you!

It's been so long but im back!

Hey Everyone I know it's been a couple days that I haven't been on but let's just say things have been a little hectic around here.. but good news my hubby did get a job im so happy for him cuz he has been getting a lil lazy..lol.. but I guess now he wants to get in good shape now he did gain some weight but his excuse is the dryer shrunk his clothes ha.. anyways now we are catching up on some bills and finally getting on the right path. The last couple of days have been good I got to hang out with my cousins which I love them to death and would rather be wit them anyday there my lil rugrats hopefully when D and I get things in order we can start our own family cuz I love kids more then anything I know he would be very excited.. on to something else over the weekend I did speak with d's sister Sandra she sounded very nice can't wait wait to meet his family it is kind of weird and wrong that his family isn't goin to be there for the wedding I haven't even met his parents hopefully soon... we might be goin to see them for the honeymoon we'll see he wants to move us up there its just going to be tough leaving my family but I go wherever he goes.. Well im getting a little tired i'll catch you guys up some more tomorrow alright here are some new pics of the cousins.. .love ya all and god bless sweet dreams!

Hey everybody sorry I haven't written for days just been very busy in getting my priorties in line. Last Sunday was fun the whole family came over for carne asada D had me go buy it since it was fathers day and something about my family being there made the day a whole lot better and exciting cuz fathers day has never really been important to me because I never really had mine around.As the day went by it turned out to be a day of joy and laughter. After that everybody left D and I had a relaxing rest of the night we watched a movie and I think I was more tired then I thought I passed out before 9 very good day! The days have been getting a little harder because my man still hasnt found a job he has an interview tomorrow morning so I'm hoping this is the one. I have been thinkin so much that I have come to realize that I want my life to get better from this day forward I dont want to regret not knowing that my future could and would of been successful and a great future ahead of me. My means something to me now because before I used to do some awful things to hurt myself and some of you might not want to here these kind of things but hey its my blog and if it offends you go to a different website were grown!JK I'm not that mean lol.. (but im tellin the truth)I used to cut and as well take a lot of sleeping pills hoping I wouldn't wake up the next day god kept me around which im very greatful as well I used to drink and other things I'm not naming but D helped through all of it so I owe him so much and my family and him are my motivation to be here with them and make my life better and I also want to share a poem I wrote a couple months back its all about what describes me and the person I never was.






When you look through my eyes what do you see?
I’ll tell you, you see life.
You see a girl longing to stay innocent in a world of impurity. You see a young woman trying to prove her worth to those around her. You see a woman, striving to accomplish her dreams in a dreamless world. When you look through my eyes, what do you see? I’ll tell you. You see my world; you see friends and family that would stand with me against any force. You see a vision of happiness that will never die. When you look through my eyes, what do you see? I’ll tell you, you see me. You see me in my adolescence, trying to find out who I am and where I belong. You see me struggling with my feelings, not knowing which one fits me best. You see me learning the many lessons of love, and failing most of them. When you look through my eyes, what do you see? I’ll tell you. You see darkness; you see the shadows dancing around me, mocking my very soul. You see the darkness blinding my sight, carrying me deeper into its depth. When you look through my eyes, what do you see? I’ll tell you, you see everything I see.

I'll write some more tomorrow and I promise to keep up just been very hectic.. I love you guys you just dont know that I do! lol

My day today was very depressing and Boring

To everyone that ready my blog Just might want to let you guys know this might be pretty boring but I don't have many people to talk to so I write.... Today went pretty slow for me I woke up kind of early and didn't have much to do but Watch tv or be on the net especially gas being so high and being broke especially.My uncle Robert did call me a couple times I really hope he gets the job he's hoping to get(I'm praying for you Rob I know your gonna get it good luck)after that all I can think about is D my fiance he went to go see about a job yesterday that said that they hired him on the spot,but he went this morning and they told him that they didn't like he drove so they didn't want to hire him anymore. Things are getting so tough for us and were living with my mom and my grandmother sure were saving money but to much drama hopefully our dearest heavenly father will bless us with something great very soon. D is so depressed as soon as he got home he just felt like crying and fell asleep I have never seen him like that it hurts me so much.. But after that we did go to get pizza at little ceasers(its not Barros but it is only 5 bucks you cant beat that)My Grandmother came back from Texas this afternoon she went to see her sister Margo before she passed away she came with a lot of stories to tell us it was sad but she's in a better place now. I helped my grandma with a couple of things in the living room it turned out good. Well that was pretty much may day for today hopefully tomorrow will be a little exciting going to sun splash heck yeah. goodnight everyone!